Well life is a bit crazy really...
yesterday was my first church service back in Armidale at my home church in about 3 months. The morning service was really good and i think the entire service was for me... song choice; communion message; sermon... all for Ronnie. I had a really good time and went and hung with my youth girls afterwards which was lovely... I was feeling better than i had in a long time. I was talking to Maat and even told him that things were so much better. That night i went back to church and in the first song of the service, i had a pretty intense emotional breakdown. I cried through the entire service. Not just little tears running down my face, sobbing like a little girl... People looked at me and i kind of felt like i had been written off because I had just got back from Africa so it was "normal"... all i wanted was a hug... You know how you go and go and go and go and you dont realise that you're tired until you stop? Thats what hit me last night. The 5 weeks before Africa were just really intense and crazy, then there was 2 months in africa then the whole time since ive been back ive had malaria so it just hasnt been fun at all. I had a day or so to just stop and rest and my whole world just collapsed. I realised that im just so incredibly exhausted, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually also. That was one part of the breakdown...
The next part was that i realised that i just went on this HUGE life changing adventure, just to come back and life to be exactly the same. I think the 3 weeks being back here in Australia have been harder than my entire time in Africa. The church is the same, its the same people, its the same songs, its the same person preaching. Im not at all saying that this is a bad thing but it almost seems like my adventure didnt happen at all. I dont think i can handle things being completely the same. i think i need change. im going to have change.
I got home and had a cry to Maat, he was as usual, the best friend you could have. He talked to me and listened to my rambles and prayed for me. I fell asleep and everything changed...
I was woken up by a knocking sound and thought someone was knocking at my bedroom door. it was still dark so i was a bit confused.. there wasnt anyone there so i got back into bed but i could still hear the knocking. then i felt someone kinda poking my heart and knocking on it... it was in time with the knocking that i heard. It kinda startled me but there was noone there, i got my pray on and dont remember much from there... i woke up though feeling really full like i had just eated a huge meal and God told me to read revelation 3:20...
GOD IS GOOD!!! Even though i get knocked down, thats not where im going to stay!!! I get right back up again!!! God is my strength and in Him i find refuge... Hes my strong tower that can never be shaken!
Im so blessed <3
Sunday, July 25, 2010
You were near
Though I was distant
Disillusioned I was
Lost and insecure
Still mercy fought
For my attention
You were waiting at the door
Then I let you in
Trading your life
For my offenses
For my redemption
You carried all the blame
Breaking the curse
Of our condition
Perfection took our place
When only love could make a way
You gave your life in a beautiful exchange
My burden erased
My life forgiven
There is nothing that could take this love away
And my only desire and sole ambition
Is to love you just the same
When only love could make a way
You gave your life in a beautiful exchange
When only love could break these chains
You gave your life in a beautiful exchange
Holy are you God
Holy is your name
With everything I’ve got
My heart will sing how I love you
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
so im in a very strange place right now... head space wise...
i could go for a hug right now... not because im sad, or emo... just because i feel like a hug...
I wrote this song when i was in Africa. I did some work at a baby orphanage and there was one baby there that stuck out to me. He was found in a trash can and was a special needs baby. He was in this chair with a brace holding up his head and he was really sick. Every time he cried, the worker would laugh at him. She told me that he was just an inconvenience and should have just died. From there i went to the orphanage where i was working full time and there was one girl there who has had a horrific past. Her mum was hacked up infront of her eyes by the rebels and she picked up and buried the body pieces. She told me that she didnt want to be anything when she grew up and she didnt care what happened to her. It broke my heart. I went home and cried and wrote this song.
lyrics :
hello trash can baby, they tell me you should have died.
hello trash can baby, im here to tell you they lied, they lied.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
Hello orphan child, they tell me you have no dreams,
Hello orphan child, things are not as they seem, as they seem.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
Jesus came to wipe the tears and pain away.
To break the chains so at His feet you lay.
Jesus came to wipe the tears and pain away.
To break the chains so at His feet you lay and hear
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
i could go for a hug right now... not because im sad, or emo... just because i feel like a hug...
I wrote this song when i was in Africa. I did some work at a baby orphanage and there was one baby there that stuck out to me. He was found in a trash can and was a special needs baby. He was in this chair with a brace holding up his head and he was really sick. Every time he cried, the worker would laugh at him. She told me that he was just an inconvenience and should have just died. From there i went to the orphanage where i was working full time and there was one girl there who has had a horrific past. Her mum was hacked up infront of her eyes by the rebels and she picked up and buried the body pieces. She told me that she didnt want to be anything when she grew up and she didnt care what happened to her. It broke my heart. I went home and cried and wrote this song.
lyrics :
hello trash can baby, they tell me you should have died.
hello trash can baby, im here to tell you they lied, they lied.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
Hello orphan child, they tell me you have no dreams,
Hello orphan child, things are not as they seem, as they seem.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
Jesus came to wipe the tears and pain away.
To break the chains so at His feet you lay.
Jesus came to wipe the tears and pain away.
To break the chains so at His feet you lay and hear
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Malaria can kiss my frickin butt!
So, let me tell you about my flight and my first week back in the land of Australia...
I got to Entebbe after roughly 1hr sleep. The airport wait was really quick which was nice. I was pretty keen for a 'mzungu' breakfast but they served matoke and egg... It was okay, i sucked it up! The Lord was so good to me on that flight, i got a whole row to myself so i got to spread out and sleep for about 90mins. The wait in Johanesburg was for 9hrs. I invested in a cushion and slept on a lounge for a bit. I had some food and just bummed around. My phone worked and it let me on the net which was a bit amazing really. I boarded the flight then our plane was evacuated because someone got caught trying to get onto our flight with 2 knives in their carry on luggage (how they got through the 5million security checks im not sure) but he told them that his friend was on the plane with knives also so we all got searched, along with all of our stuff and the entire plane. The whole flight was completely booked so it was pretty hectic. I had a middle seat out of three and was a bit bummed about that. The dude on my left was really nice, he knew the flight attendant so i got free stuff :) The person on my right never showed up so i moved on over to the window. The person on my left realised that his seat was broken so him and his son were upgraded so once again i had an entire row to myself. Im pretty sure every single person on that flight was envious of me. I got to lay down to sleep (as much as you can over 3 seats in economy), basically it went really well. There was some australian rugby team on the flight so when we got out of customs it was all intense with media and such things, i was pretty instantly hit with culture shock (actually flying over sydney put me in tears)... Maat met me at the airport and took me back to sam and livs. I HAD THE GREATEST FRICKIN SHOWER IN THE WORLD!!! Just putting that out there... We realised that the hillsong conference was on so we decided to go. We caught the train and got there to find about 250 people infront of us in a line to go in.. After waiting in the rain, a lovely man came and told us that the stadium was completely full so we had to leave. We went and had subway (which was frickin amazing) then decided we wanted to go see toy story 3 so we walked a few kms to the cinema... when we got there we realised that they didnt have 3D and it was already 9 so it would be SO late by the time we got back home. We had some coffee then made the adventure back home. The next day was fun times! I only got like 4hrs sleep so that wasnt so nice. We went and got some movies to watch then just chilled. Note to self : Blood diamond probably isnt the greatest choice of movie after spending 2 months with 62 former child soldiers then coming back to australia missing them like crazy and experiencing extreme culture shock on top of no sleep at all... i was starting to feel pretty physically gross so it was nice to just hang and do nothing. That night we decided to go to maats home group. I was like yeah cool, ill kinda just chill and not say much etc.. WRONG... they do t his thing called 'hotseat' where you get asked any question that they want to ask for one minute... it wasnt a minute... the pastor asked "did you just get back from africa"... so that started stories and crazy stuff... After i shared for what seemed like forever, we decided to just pray for each other and let the holy spirit mess us up... was insane! had some fun times... experienced some things that i didnt know about and realised some mess that had jumped in during africa... At this point of the night, i was feeling like i may die... Tuesday i couldnt sleep at all... i got to sleep at about 8am then at 11 i was woken to ask if i wanted to go to IKEA... answer was no... i spent the day doing nothing which was frickin amazing... Wednesday night we watched another movie and the others played risk... At this point i felt as though i had been hit by a truck... Today i had to go to centrelink and do some stuff... we also looked up my symptoms on the net and of course, i have malaria... i went THE WHOLE TIME in Africa without getting sick at all (minus some headaches) then as soon as i get back, im sick as a dog... Today was death... I was SO sick and stayed in the city... i had a bad fever before i left and was feeling really hot so i didnt take a jacket or anything with me at all... Obviously that meant that it would rain all day and therefore make me more sick... We got home and watched a movie... i fell asleep and has psychotic dreams.. apparently i was laughing in my sleep, asking for my mum then sobbing like a girl... naturally, noone woke me... now im in bed, wide awake and vomiting my guts up... frickin good times... i cancelled my plans for going to armidale tomorrow, which means more time away from my girls... i know this is not a happy little blog but im really not feeling happy... i also saw a cute inflatable kangaroo today, thought of candyce and cried some more... Good news though - today i got to pray for a homeless lady :) was fun times! So im preaching at a youth conference in a week... praying for be completely better by then! prayers definitely appreciated!
I got to Entebbe after roughly 1hr sleep. The airport wait was really quick which was nice. I was pretty keen for a 'mzungu' breakfast but they served matoke and egg... It was okay, i sucked it up! The Lord was so good to me on that flight, i got a whole row to myself so i got to spread out and sleep for about 90mins. The wait in Johanesburg was for 9hrs. I invested in a cushion and slept on a lounge for a bit. I had some food and just bummed around. My phone worked and it let me on the net which was a bit amazing really. I boarded the flight then our plane was evacuated because someone got caught trying to get onto our flight with 2 knives in their carry on luggage (how they got through the 5million security checks im not sure) but he told them that his friend was on the plane with knives also so we all got searched, along with all of our stuff and the entire plane. The whole flight was completely booked so it was pretty hectic. I had a middle seat out of three and was a bit bummed about that. The dude on my left was really nice, he knew the flight attendant so i got free stuff :) The person on my right never showed up so i moved on over to the window. The person on my left realised that his seat was broken so him and his son were upgraded so once again i had an entire row to myself. Im pretty sure every single person on that flight was envious of me. I got to lay down to sleep (as much as you can over 3 seats in economy), basically it went really well. There was some australian rugby team on the flight so when we got out of customs it was all intense with media and such things, i was pretty instantly hit with culture shock (actually flying over sydney put me in tears)... Maat met me at the airport and took me back to sam and livs. I HAD THE GREATEST FRICKIN SHOWER IN THE WORLD!!! Just putting that out there... We realised that the hillsong conference was on so we decided to go. We caught the train and got there to find about 250 people infront of us in a line to go in.. After waiting in the rain, a lovely man came and told us that the stadium was completely full so we had to leave. We went and had subway (which was frickin amazing) then decided we wanted to go see toy story 3 so we walked a few kms to the cinema... when we got there we realised that they didnt have 3D and it was already 9 so it would be SO late by the time we got back home. We had some coffee then made the adventure back home. The next day was fun times! I only got like 4hrs sleep so that wasnt so nice. We went and got some movies to watch then just chilled. Note to self : Blood diamond probably isnt the greatest choice of movie after spending 2 months with 62 former child soldiers then coming back to australia missing them like crazy and experiencing extreme culture shock on top of no sleep at all... i was starting to feel pretty physically gross so it was nice to just hang and do nothing. That night we decided to go to maats home group. I was like yeah cool, ill kinda just chill and not say much etc.. WRONG... they do t his thing called 'hotseat' where you get asked any question that they want to ask for one minute... it wasnt a minute... the pastor asked "did you just get back from africa"... so that started stories and crazy stuff... After i shared for what seemed like forever, we decided to just pray for each other and let the holy spirit mess us up... was insane! had some fun times... experienced some things that i didnt know about and realised some mess that had jumped in during africa... At this point of the night, i was feeling like i may die... Tuesday i couldnt sleep at all... i got to sleep at about 8am then at 11 i was woken to ask if i wanted to go to IKEA... answer was no... i spent the day doing nothing which was frickin amazing... Wednesday night we watched another movie and the others played risk... At this point i felt as though i had been hit by a truck... Today i had to go to centrelink and do some stuff... we also looked up my symptoms on the net and of course, i have malaria... i went THE WHOLE TIME in Africa without getting sick at all (minus some headaches) then as soon as i get back, im sick as a dog... Today was death... I was SO sick and stayed in the city... i had a bad fever before i left and was feeling really hot so i didnt take a jacket or anything with me at all... Obviously that meant that it would rain all day and therefore make me more sick... We got home and watched a movie... i fell asleep and has psychotic dreams.. apparently i was laughing in my sleep, asking for my mum then sobbing like a girl... naturally, noone woke me... now im in bed, wide awake and vomiting my guts up... frickin good times... i cancelled my plans for going to armidale tomorrow, which means more time away from my girls... i know this is not a happy little blog but im really not feeling happy... i also saw a cute inflatable kangaroo today, thought of candyce and cried some more... Good news though - today i got to pray for a homeless lady :) was fun times! So im preaching at a youth conference in a week... praying for be completely better by then! prayers definitely appreciated!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
welllllllllll time in Africa is coming to a sad end.. I spent the day in Jinja today and it was amazing. I randomly ran into some american younglife guys a few weeks ago and today got to hang with one of them, and of coarse, my amazing blessing from God - Carla. I would just like to point out how amazing it is that i have this much dirt on me... i didnt think it was possible, but, i have once again been proven wrong by Africa. Im sunburnt but my skin is a lovely shade of brown from the dirt... maybe i should live in Jinja, then i wouldnt be so white. Im pretty excited about coming home really. I love Africa but i miss lettuce and gilmore girls... and friends and family. Im excited about different things changing when i get home also. New things, new schedual... man oh man i love scheduals... and lists.... and organisation.... im a nerd and im okay with that. I mean, really, how amazing are lists and scheduals... i dont think there is anything better... If Jesus was roaming the earth right now, i think he would have lists and scheduals. Im not even kidding... is that even how you spell schedual? okay im a nerd who cant spell, get over it... So thats my story... Tonight im going to the UJV to hang with the kids. When a volunteer leaves, the UJV kids dance for them and its all jolly... but myself and carla decided that we didnt want the kids to dance for us, we wanted to dance for the kids... so we're dressing up african (yes even getting our black on) and we're going to learn one of the kids dances and perform for them, its a bit excited... obviously we mzungus cant dance like they can so its just gunna be frickin hilarious! Thennnnnn i have saturday - i think im going swimming with the UJV kids and then hitting dinner up with some friends... i need to be at the airport stinking early sunday morning.. my flight leaves at like 7.30am.... FUN TIMES! soooo then i get to australia at 2pm (5am ugandan time) and will have fun adventures with fun friends from there :) Im excited about every part of this... :) ... except saying goodbye to candyce, which is why her and her husband will be folded up and put inside my suitcase where they will come to australia and live under my bed. the end.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)