I wish packing and moving was really this classy.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Had An Amazing Night :)
why?
- my 21st party (nobody caring that my birthday is infact next sunday, not today)
- I got to dress up as a princess fairy
- I had a kids party with party bags, party hats and kids games
- Face paint
- Amazing friends to share the night with
why i didnt like tonight?
- I had to say goodbye to one of my youth girls who is moving to China for 6months
- Some people couldnt come
- Some people wouldnt come
why?
- my 21st party (nobody caring that my birthday is infact next sunday, not today)
- I got to dress up as a princess fairy
- I had a kids party with party bags, party hats and kids games
- Face paint
- Amazing friends to share the night with
why i didnt like tonight?
- I had to say goodbye to one of my youth girls who is moving to China for 6months
- Some people couldnt come
- Some people wouldnt come
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Sooo my day today started like this :
I woke up needing to pee like a pregnant horse!!! I had my laptop on my bed and instead of thinking just roll over to the other side of the bed (where the laptop was and the side i needed to get out to get to the door), i decided to stand on my bed, step over my laptop then step onto the floor... Worst.Mistake.EVER! I stood up, stepped with my left foot over my laptop, missed my bed completely, did the splits, landed completely on my ankle and twisting it, smashed my shin on something which caused a HUGE instant lump, smacked my head on one wall and my shoulder on another... I now cant walk on my foot, have a huge bruise on my head and my shoulder and a massive lump on my shin...
Thankfully my day got better.
I woke up needing to pee like a pregnant horse!!! I had my laptop on my bed and instead of thinking just roll over to the other side of the bed (where the laptop was and the side i needed to get out to get to the door), i decided to stand on my bed, step over my laptop then step onto the floor... Worst.Mistake.EVER! I stood up, stepped with my left foot over my laptop, missed my bed completely, did the splits, landed completely on my ankle and twisting it, smashed my shin on something which caused a HUGE instant lump, smacked my head on one wall and my shoulder on another... I now cant walk on my foot, have a huge bruise on my head and my shoulder and a massive lump on my shin...
Thankfully my day got better.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Well life is a bit crazy really...
yesterday was my first church service back in Armidale at my home church in about 3 months. The morning service was really good and i think the entire service was for me... song choice; communion message; sermon... all for Ronnie. I had a really good time and went and hung with my youth girls afterwards which was lovely... I was feeling better than i had in a long time. I was talking to Maat and even told him that things were so much better. That night i went back to church and in the first song of the service, i had a pretty intense emotional breakdown. I cried through the entire service. Not just little tears running down my face, sobbing like a little girl... People looked at me and i kind of felt like i had been written off because I had just got back from Africa so it was "normal"... all i wanted was a hug... You know how you go and go and go and go and you dont realise that you're tired until you stop? Thats what hit me last night. The 5 weeks before Africa were just really intense and crazy, then there was 2 months in africa then the whole time since ive been back ive had malaria so it just hasnt been fun at all. I had a day or so to just stop and rest and my whole world just collapsed. I realised that im just so incredibly exhausted, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually also. That was one part of the breakdown...
The next part was that i realised that i just went on this HUGE life changing adventure, just to come back and life to be exactly the same. I think the 3 weeks being back here in Australia have been harder than my entire time in Africa. The church is the same, its the same people, its the same songs, its the same person preaching. Im not at all saying that this is a bad thing but it almost seems like my adventure didnt happen at all. I dont think i can handle things being completely the same. i think i need change. im going to have change.
I got home and had a cry to Maat, he was as usual, the best friend you could have. He talked to me and listened to my rambles and prayed for me. I fell asleep and everything changed...
I was woken up by a knocking sound and thought someone was knocking at my bedroom door. it was still dark so i was a bit confused.. there wasnt anyone there so i got back into bed but i could still hear the knocking. then i felt someone kinda poking my heart and knocking on it... it was in time with the knocking that i heard. It kinda startled me but there was noone there, i got my pray on and dont remember much from there... i woke up though feeling really full like i had just eated a huge meal and God told me to read revelation 3:20...
GOD IS GOOD!!! Even though i get knocked down, thats not where im going to stay!!! I get right back up again!!! God is my strength and in Him i find refuge... Hes my strong tower that can never be shaken!
Im so blessed <3
yesterday was my first church service back in Armidale at my home church in about 3 months. The morning service was really good and i think the entire service was for me... song choice; communion message; sermon... all for Ronnie. I had a really good time and went and hung with my youth girls afterwards which was lovely... I was feeling better than i had in a long time. I was talking to Maat and even told him that things were so much better. That night i went back to church and in the first song of the service, i had a pretty intense emotional breakdown. I cried through the entire service. Not just little tears running down my face, sobbing like a little girl... People looked at me and i kind of felt like i had been written off because I had just got back from Africa so it was "normal"... all i wanted was a hug... You know how you go and go and go and go and you dont realise that you're tired until you stop? Thats what hit me last night. The 5 weeks before Africa were just really intense and crazy, then there was 2 months in africa then the whole time since ive been back ive had malaria so it just hasnt been fun at all. I had a day or so to just stop and rest and my whole world just collapsed. I realised that im just so incredibly exhausted, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually also. That was one part of the breakdown...
The next part was that i realised that i just went on this HUGE life changing adventure, just to come back and life to be exactly the same. I think the 3 weeks being back here in Australia have been harder than my entire time in Africa. The church is the same, its the same people, its the same songs, its the same person preaching. Im not at all saying that this is a bad thing but it almost seems like my adventure didnt happen at all. I dont think i can handle things being completely the same. i think i need change. im going to have change.
I got home and had a cry to Maat, he was as usual, the best friend you could have. He talked to me and listened to my rambles and prayed for me. I fell asleep and everything changed...
I was woken up by a knocking sound and thought someone was knocking at my bedroom door. it was still dark so i was a bit confused.. there wasnt anyone there so i got back into bed but i could still hear the knocking. then i felt someone kinda poking my heart and knocking on it... it was in time with the knocking that i heard. It kinda startled me but there was noone there, i got my pray on and dont remember much from there... i woke up though feeling really full like i had just eated a huge meal and God told me to read revelation 3:20...
GOD IS GOOD!!! Even though i get knocked down, thats not where im going to stay!!! I get right back up again!!! God is my strength and in Him i find refuge... Hes my strong tower that can never be shaken!
Im so blessed <3
You were near
Though I was distant
Disillusioned I was
Lost and insecure
Still mercy fought
For my attention
You were waiting at the door
Then I let you in
Trading your life
For my offenses
For my redemption
You carried all the blame
Breaking the curse
Of our condition
Perfection took our place
When only love could make a way
You gave your life in a beautiful exchange
My burden erased
My life forgiven
There is nothing that could take this love away
And my only desire and sole ambition
Is to love you just the same
When only love could make a way
You gave your life in a beautiful exchange
When only love could break these chains
You gave your life in a beautiful exchange
Holy are you God
Holy is your name
With everything I’ve got
My heart will sing how I love you
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
so im in a very strange place right now... head space wise...
i could go for a hug right now... not because im sad, or emo... just because i feel like a hug...
I wrote this song when i was in Africa. I did some work at a baby orphanage and there was one baby there that stuck out to me. He was found in a trash can and was a special needs baby. He was in this chair with a brace holding up his head and he was really sick. Every time he cried, the worker would laugh at him. She told me that he was just an inconvenience and should have just died. From there i went to the orphanage where i was working full time and there was one girl there who has had a horrific past. Her mum was hacked up infront of her eyes by the rebels and she picked up and buried the body pieces. She told me that she didnt want to be anything when she grew up and she didnt care what happened to her. It broke my heart. I went home and cried and wrote this song.
lyrics :
hello trash can baby, they tell me you should have died.
hello trash can baby, im here to tell you they lied, they lied.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
Hello orphan child, they tell me you have no dreams,
Hello orphan child, things are not as they seem, as they seem.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
Jesus came to wipe the tears and pain away.
To break the chains so at His feet you lay.
Jesus came to wipe the tears and pain away.
To break the chains so at His feet you lay and hear
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
i could go for a hug right now... not because im sad, or emo... just because i feel like a hug...
I wrote this song when i was in Africa. I did some work at a baby orphanage and there was one baby there that stuck out to me. He was found in a trash can and was a special needs baby. He was in this chair with a brace holding up his head and he was really sick. Every time he cried, the worker would laugh at him. She told me that he was just an inconvenience and should have just died. From there i went to the orphanage where i was working full time and there was one girl there who has had a horrific past. Her mum was hacked up infront of her eyes by the rebels and she picked up and buried the body pieces. She told me that she didnt want to be anything when she grew up and she didnt care what happened to her. It broke my heart. I went home and cried and wrote this song.
lyrics :
hello trash can baby, they tell me you should have died.
hello trash can baby, im here to tell you they lied, they lied.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
Hello orphan child, they tell me you have no dreams,
Hello orphan child, things are not as they seem, as they seem.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
Jesus came to wipe the tears and pain away.
To break the chains so at His feet you lay.
Jesus came to wipe the tears and pain away.
To break the chains so at His feet you lay and hear
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved, you're loved.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Malaria can kiss my frickin butt!
So, let me tell you about my flight and my first week back in the land of Australia...
I got to Entebbe after roughly 1hr sleep. The airport wait was really quick which was nice. I was pretty keen for a 'mzungu' breakfast but they served matoke and egg... It was okay, i sucked it up! The Lord was so good to me on that flight, i got a whole row to myself so i got to spread out and sleep for about 90mins. The wait in Johanesburg was for 9hrs. I invested in a cushion and slept on a lounge for a bit. I had some food and just bummed around. My phone worked and it let me on the net which was a bit amazing really. I boarded the flight then our plane was evacuated because someone got caught trying to get onto our flight with 2 knives in their carry on luggage (how they got through the 5million security checks im not sure) but he told them that his friend was on the plane with knives also so we all got searched, along with all of our stuff and the entire plane. The whole flight was completely booked so it was pretty hectic. I had a middle seat out of three and was a bit bummed about that. The dude on my left was really nice, he knew the flight attendant so i got free stuff :) The person on my right never showed up so i moved on over to the window. The person on my left realised that his seat was broken so him and his son were upgraded so once again i had an entire row to myself. Im pretty sure every single person on that flight was envious of me. I got to lay down to sleep (as much as you can over 3 seats in economy), basically it went really well. There was some australian rugby team on the flight so when we got out of customs it was all intense with media and such things, i was pretty instantly hit with culture shock (actually flying over sydney put me in tears)... Maat met me at the airport and took me back to sam and livs. I HAD THE GREATEST FRICKIN SHOWER IN THE WORLD!!! Just putting that out there... We realised that the hillsong conference was on so we decided to go. We caught the train and got there to find about 250 people infront of us in a line to go in.. After waiting in the rain, a lovely man came and told us that the stadium was completely full so we had to leave. We went and had subway (which was frickin amazing) then decided we wanted to go see toy story 3 so we walked a few kms to the cinema... when we got there we realised that they didnt have 3D and it was already 9 so it would be SO late by the time we got back home. We had some coffee then made the adventure back home. The next day was fun times! I only got like 4hrs sleep so that wasnt so nice. We went and got some movies to watch then just chilled. Note to self : Blood diamond probably isnt the greatest choice of movie after spending 2 months with 62 former child soldiers then coming back to australia missing them like crazy and experiencing extreme culture shock on top of no sleep at all... i was starting to feel pretty physically gross so it was nice to just hang and do nothing. That night we decided to go to maats home group. I was like yeah cool, ill kinda just chill and not say much etc.. WRONG... they do t his thing called 'hotseat' where you get asked any question that they want to ask for one minute... it wasnt a minute... the pastor asked "did you just get back from africa"... so that started stories and crazy stuff... After i shared for what seemed like forever, we decided to just pray for each other and let the holy spirit mess us up... was insane! had some fun times... experienced some things that i didnt know about and realised some mess that had jumped in during africa... At this point of the night, i was feeling like i may die... Tuesday i couldnt sleep at all... i got to sleep at about 8am then at 11 i was woken to ask if i wanted to go to IKEA... answer was no... i spent the day doing nothing which was frickin amazing... Wednesday night we watched another movie and the others played risk... At this point i felt as though i had been hit by a truck... Today i had to go to centrelink and do some stuff... we also looked up my symptoms on the net and of course, i have malaria... i went THE WHOLE TIME in Africa without getting sick at all (minus some headaches) then as soon as i get back, im sick as a dog... Today was death... I was SO sick and stayed in the city... i had a bad fever before i left and was feeling really hot so i didnt take a jacket or anything with me at all... Obviously that meant that it would rain all day and therefore make me more sick... We got home and watched a movie... i fell asleep and has psychotic dreams.. apparently i was laughing in my sleep, asking for my mum then sobbing like a girl... naturally, noone woke me... now im in bed, wide awake and vomiting my guts up... frickin good times... i cancelled my plans for going to armidale tomorrow, which means more time away from my girls... i know this is not a happy little blog but im really not feeling happy... i also saw a cute inflatable kangaroo today, thought of candyce and cried some more... Good news though - today i got to pray for a homeless lady :) was fun times! So im preaching at a youth conference in a week... praying for be completely better by then! prayers definitely appreciated!
I got to Entebbe after roughly 1hr sleep. The airport wait was really quick which was nice. I was pretty keen for a 'mzungu' breakfast but they served matoke and egg... It was okay, i sucked it up! The Lord was so good to me on that flight, i got a whole row to myself so i got to spread out and sleep for about 90mins. The wait in Johanesburg was for 9hrs. I invested in a cushion and slept on a lounge for a bit. I had some food and just bummed around. My phone worked and it let me on the net which was a bit amazing really. I boarded the flight then our plane was evacuated because someone got caught trying to get onto our flight with 2 knives in their carry on luggage (how they got through the 5million security checks im not sure) but he told them that his friend was on the plane with knives also so we all got searched, along with all of our stuff and the entire plane. The whole flight was completely booked so it was pretty hectic. I had a middle seat out of three and was a bit bummed about that. The dude on my left was really nice, he knew the flight attendant so i got free stuff :) The person on my right never showed up so i moved on over to the window. The person on my left realised that his seat was broken so him and his son were upgraded so once again i had an entire row to myself. Im pretty sure every single person on that flight was envious of me. I got to lay down to sleep (as much as you can over 3 seats in economy), basically it went really well. There was some australian rugby team on the flight so when we got out of customs it was all intense with media and such things, i was pretty instantly hit with culture shock (actually flying over sydney put me in tears)... Maat met me at the airport and took me back to sam and livs. I HAD THE GREATEST FRICKIN SHOWER IN THE WORLD!!! Just putting that out there... We realised that the hillsong conference was on so we decided to go. We caught the train and got there to find about 250 people infront of us in a line to go in.. After waiting in the rain, a lovely man came and told us that the stadium was completely full so we had to leave. We went and had subway (which was frickin amazing) then decided we wanted to go see toy story 3 so we walked a few kms to the cinema... when we got there we realised that they didnt have 3D and it was already 9 so it would be SO late by the time we got back home. We had some coffee then made the adventure back home. The next day was fun times! I only got like 4hrs sleep so that wasnt so nice. We went and got some movies to watch then just chilled. Note to self : Blood diamond probably isnt the greatest choice of movie after spending 2 months with 62 former child soldiers then coming back to australia missing them like crazy and experiencing extreme culture shock on top of no sleep at all... i was starting to feel pretty physically gross so it was nice to just hang and do nothing. That night we decided to go to maats home group. I was like yeah cool, ill kinda just chill and not say much etc.. WRONG... they do t his thing called 'hotseat' where you get asked any question that they want to ask for one minute... it wasnt a minute... the pastor asked "did you just get back from africa"... so that started stories and crazy stuff... After i shared for what seemed like forever, we decided to just pray for each other and let the holy spirit mess us up... was insane! had some fun times... experienced some things that i didnt know about and realised some mess that had jumped in during africa... At this point of the night, i was feeling like i may die... Tuesday i couldnt sleep at all... i got to sleep at about 8am then at 11 i was woken to ask if i wanted to go to IKEA... answer was no... i spent the day doing nothing which was frickin amazing... Wednesday night we watched another movie and the others played risk... At this point i felt as though i had been hit by a truck... Today i had to go to centrelink and do some stuff... we also looked up my symptoms on the net and of course, i have malaria... i went THE WHOLE TIME in Africa without getting sick at all (minus some headaches) then as soon as i get back, im sick as a dog... Today was death... I was SO sick and stayed in the city... i had a bad fever before i left and was feeling really hot so i didnt take a jacket or anything with me at all... Obviously that meant that it would rain all day and therefore make me more sick... We got home and watched a movie... i fell asleep and has psychotic dreams.. apparently i was laughing in my sleep, asking for my mum then sobbing like a girl... naturally, noone woke me... now im in bed, wide awake and vomiting my guts up... frickin good times... i cancelled my plans for going to armidale tomorrow, which means more time away from my girls... i know this is not a happy little blog but im really not feeling happy... i also saw a cute inflatable kangaroo today, thought of candyce and cried some more... Good news though - today i got to pray for a homeless lady :) was fun times! So im preaching at a youth conference in a week... praying for be completely better by then! prayers definitely appreciated!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
welllllllllll time in Africa is coming to a sad end.. I spent the day in Jinja today and it was amazing. I randomly ran into some american younglife guys a few weeks ago and today got to hang with one of them, and of coarse, my amazing blessing from God - Carla. I would just like to point out how amazing it is that i have this much dirt on me... i didnt think it was possible, but, i have once again been proven wrong by Africa. Im sunburnt but my skin is a lovely shade of brown from the dirt... maybe i should live in Jinja, then i wouldnt be so white. Im pretty excited about coming home really. I love Africa but i miss lettuce and gilmore girls... and friends and family. Im excited about different things changing when i get home also. New things, new schedual... man oh man i love scheduals... and lists.... and organisation.... im a nerd and im okay with that. I mean, really, how amazing are lists and scheduals... i dont think there is anything better... If Jesus was roaming the earth right now, i think he would have lists and scheduals. Im not even kidding... is that even how you spell schedual? okay im a nerd who cant spell, get over it... So thats my story... Tonight im going to the UJV to hang with the kids. When a volunteer leaves, the UJV kids dance for them and its all jolly... but myself and carla decided that we didnt want the kids to dance for us, we wanted to dance for the kids... so we're dressing up african (yes even getting our black on) and we're going to learn one of the kids dances and perform for them, its a bit excited... obviously we mzungus cant dance like they can so its just gunna be frickin hilarious! Thennnnnn i have saturday - i think im going swimming with the UJV kids and then hitting dinner up with some friends... i need to be at the airport stinking early sunday morning.. my flight leaves at like 7.30am.... FUN TIMES! soooo then i get to australia at 2pm (5am ugandan time) and will have fun adventures with fun friends from there :) Im excited about every part of this... :) ... except saying goodbye to candyce, which is why her and her husband will be folded up and put inside my suitcase where they will come to australia and live under my bed. the end.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Well its now officially less than two weeks until i leave for home... I am sad to leave... I really love it here... Last night we had a party with the UJV kids... I wasnt sure if it was going to be possible but what do you say when someone says that you can make 64 kids plus staff so incredibly happy... i can give them food other than posho and beans for a night... i can give them a reason to party and have a good time with the staff... how do you say no to that?... So now, i sit here with 13 days left in this amazing country and $5 to my name... God is so faithful though...
So its 13days left and today, 13 days seems like a life time away. I really shouldnt complain, but really. Dont get me wrong, i love it here and in alot of ways im sad to be leaving in 13days... I feel like the UJV kids have finally broken down walls toward me, ive made AMAZING friends that have impacted my life more than i could have asked. I keep telling myself that ill be back so dont be sad... but what will happen between now and then? Will that child finally lose her battle to AIDS? Will they move somewhere not even close to here? Will they build up every wall plus more in that time toward me... Im praying against every one of those (okay maybe except Candyce and Steven moving a million miles away from here... Gods probably got something to do with that)... So this blog once again, doesnt make sense... Im sure you will get over it... as i will get over the fact that today, im so homesick that i just want to lay in bed and cry... but then at the same time be crying because im leaving in no time at all and really not wanting to. My life makes no sense. But today, ill go have coffee with the amazing candyce, we'll talk for hours like we normally do and ill probably cry some... tomorrow ill go to Jinja and have some fun in the jail and hospital... ill spend as much time with ujv as i possibly can... Life will go on...
So its 13days left and today, 13 days seems like a life time away. I really shouldnt complain, but really. Dont get me wrong, i love it here and in alot of ways im sad to be leaving in 13days... I feel like the UJV kids have finally broken down walls toward me, ive made AMAZING friends that have impacted my life more than i could have asked. I keep telling myself that ill be back so dont be sad... but what will happen between now and then? Will that child finally lose her battle to AIDS? Will they move somewhere not even close to here? Will they build up every wall plus more in that time toward me... Im praying against every one of those (okay maybe except Candyce and Steven moving a million miles away from here... Gods probably got something to do with that)... So this blog once again, doesnt make sense... Im sure you will get over it... as i will get over the fact that today, im so homesick that i just want to lay in bed and cry... but then at the same time be crying because im leaving in no time at all and really not wanting to. My life makes no sense. But today, ill go have coffee with the amazing candyce, we'll talk for hours like we normally do and ill probably cry some... tomorrow ill go to Jinja and have some fun in the jail and hospital... ill spend as much time with ujv as i possibly can... Life will go on...
Thursday, June 17, 2010
the adventures of weighing 64 children...
Okay so i understand that this is my second blog TODAY but its necessary... So when i was first told that i would have to weigh, measure, get dress size and shoe size for each of the 64 children in UJV, i thought okay, that will take some time but im sure it will be fine... Oh how wrong i was... The first couple was fine... then they decided more than one person on the scale was fun... then they decided that they were going to try and get 20 people into a tiny little office... they all had this crazy look in their eyes... you know the look where one eye goes bigger than the other... the mouth goes mildly insane and you begin to think that crazy noises are coming from the walls because these kids certainly couldnt be making noises like that... one of my eyes grew larger than the other as i pleaded with them to just have one child on the scale at a time... then i yelled... they laughed and a few people ran out laughing... children... i love them... i really do... but sometimes im happy to be going home at the end of the day...
Blesed Beyond Measure.
Isnt it funny how some times, 2 weeks seems SO far away, then other times it seems like its right there infront of you? Some days I feel like Im never going to get home... Other days I feel like its so close that i may as well go today. I love it here, I really do. Last night we had a prayer night with the kids of UJV. It started out just hanging out with a few kids and a guitar... the kids and staff started dancing and having a great time. Then all the kids started to come around so we moved to a bigger area and got our worship on. We all danced and sang as we lifted high the name of Jesus. I sat down and closed my eyes. The bass from the drums was radiating through my heart and all i could do was cry. I opened my eyes and ALL of the kids were on their knees crying out to God. Forgiving the people that ripped their lives apart. Repenting on behalf of their families for the witchcraft. Forgiving everyone who has stolen from them or deceived them. It got me thinking, what right do i have to hate people? What right do i have to hold unforgiveness? Yes, i have been hurt. Yes, im allowed to feel hurt and its okay to cry but is it okay to take the role of God into my own hands and judge those around me? No. Is it okay for me to think about every way i could murder them and make them pay for what they did? No. Is it okay to hate God for what has happened? No. Im so blessed. So incredibly blessed. Life just doesnt make sense sometimes, but thats okay. God is good ALL the time. Before coming to Africa, I thought i would struggle to see the goodness of God. I was wrong. You just need to have a conversation with one of these kids... or see the hope in their eyes... or see the smile on their face and you can see OBVIOUSLY how great God is... Im blesed.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Someone said to me yesterday "Blogging just seems to be my new way of venting"... i think i may agree...
I love Africa, I really do... It's taken 4 weeks for the kids of the UJV to begin to open up to me. Last night, one of the older boys told me he wanted to tell me a story, he had a huge smile on his face so i thought he was just going to make one up... WRONG... He starts telling me all about his life and all about his life... about the rebels and his family etc... then he tells me how amazing Jesus is... then another girl sits down and just begins to worship, right next to me, with no music... I think its safe to say that these kids have blessed me 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000x more than i could ever bless them... Life is amazing.
I love Africa, I really do... It's taken 4 weeks for the kids of the UJV to begin to open up to me. Last night, one of the older boys told me he wanted to tell me a story, he had a huge smile on his face so i thought he was just going to make one up... WRONG... He starts telling me all about his life and all about his life... about the rebels and his family etc... then he tells me how amazing Jesus is... then another girl sits down and just begins to worship, right next to me, with no music... I think its safe to say that these kids have blessed me 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000x more than i could ever bless them... Life is amazing.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
latest thoughts
Life in Africa is an ADVENTURE!
To those mzungus who have visited Africa before... did you ever feel like just wetting your pants, or taking a poop just so people will stop coming up to you and stop screaming MZUNGU at you? Im there my friend, i am so there. Ah those days when you could walk to the store without anyone even noticing you were there... Now you cant even scratch yourself without someone screaming at you or someone trying to rub your skin to see if the white comes off... its certainly a strange feeling... How about those days when you could go to the grocery store and not be charged $1 million for a loaf of bread... those were the days, those were the days... ive contemplated buying shoe polish and covering my body with it... i dont think the cost of the shoe polish will out weigh the over charge that you have to deal with every day of your life in Africa... ah being white... today i was told that i was "too white" and she looked incredibly concerned for my health... is it really my fault that i go white, then red, then whiter than i was before? "Is that even possible?" i hear you ask... oh yes my friend, yes it is... welcome to my world... the world of albino skin and and an addiction to "aloevera sun burn lotion"... But hey, God doesnt make mistakes! Im pretty fabulous... :)
To those mzungus who have visited Africa before... did you ever feel like just wetting your pants, or taking a poop just so people will stop coming up to you and stop screaming MZUNGU at you? Im there my friend, i am so there. Ah those days when you could walk to the store without anyone even noticing you were there... Now you cant even scratch yourself without someone screaming at you or someone trying to rub your skin to see if the white comes off... its certainly a strange feeling... How about those days when you could go to the grocery store and not be charged $1 million for a loaf of bread... those were the days, those were the days... ive contemplated buying shoe polish and covering my body with it... i dont think the cost of the shoe polish will out weigh the over charge that you have to deal with every day of your life in Africa... ah being white... today i was told that i was "too white" and she looked incredibly concerned for my health... is it really my fault that i go white, then red, then whiter than i was before? "Is that even possible?" i hear you ask... oh yes my friend, yes it is... welcome to my world... the world of albino skin and and an addiction to "aloevera sun burn lotion"... But hey, God doesnt make mistakes! Im pretty fabulous... :)
Friday, June 11, 2010
Life.
Ever wondered if it was even worth it? All that time, all that money, all that energy into making something happen? Maybe I should have just sent the money and stayed back. Am i even making a difference? I feel like im taking 5 steps forward and 4 steps back... Progress is progress i suppose... I dont feel like im doing anything that is actually helpful... I feel like I was doing more for the kingdom back home... Does He even need me? No... Is He simply choosing to use me? Yes... Why? I dont know... I feel drained and I feel tired... I feel like Im constantly under attack and Im struggling to keep my head above water... Praise God for all that He is doing... For all that He has done... For all that He will do... Praise God for the friends I have made while ive been here... Praise God for the stuff that He IS doing through me, even if i cant see it...Praise God that im here for a purpose and that the purpose will be fulfilled before I leave... Praise God for amazing friends back home who have constantly supported me... Praise God for the people who make life difficult and give God an opportunity to break through and do something amazing. Im so thankful to have a God that looks after me.. . This blog doesnt make sense, i know... My life doesnt make sense though... Who would have thought that i would end up here, ministering in Africa, worship leading, preaching... God is so good to me... What right do we have to complain about what God has us doing? He doesnt need us, He doesnt need me. He CHOOSES to use us, He CHOOSES to use me... Yes Africa is hard, but Africa is worth it.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Jacqui.
I think Jacqui needs to blog more... But i love her... Lots... and Lots.... and Lots... and lots... x98293874928374283749846347502998476387520938439867398475893457387620
Thats alot of love my friends, alot of love...
Thats alot of love my friends, alot of love...
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
I had my first deliverence session last night... for someone else!
Ive never seen anything like it. I have a new level of love and respect for those who piled on me until i was free. Im not going to go into detail about what I saw, mainly because i dont want to glorify satan and the crappy attempts he makes to try to 'win'... overall, God won... that how it was and how it forever will be.
Ive never seen anything like it. I have a new level of love and respect for those who piled on me until i was free. Im not going to go into detail about what I saw, mainly because i dont want to glorify satan and the crappy attempts he makes to try to 'win'... overall, God won... that how it was and how it forever will be.
Friday, May 28, 2010
i've been walking around in a dream land for the last 2weeks. Everything was very surreal and it felt like a dream. Yesterday the bubble popped and reality hit me hard. This place is real. That baby was found in a trash can because it has AIDS. This child fought in the war. This child raised itself and its siblings because it had no parents. This person eats once a week... Its so easy to be in the western world and think Africa is just a stereotype and the things that happen here arent real. Its real.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Well here we are in africa. Fun times!
So much has happened so far. Im struggling to catch my breath.
I love it here <3. I might live here one day.
Im excited about adventures that are coming up.
My life is one huge adventure. I cant keep up.
What the heck.
Im excited though. Good times. Good times.
God is amazing. Thats all I can say. <3
So much has happened so far. Im struggling to catch my breath.
I love it here <3. I might live here one day.
Im excited about adventures that are coming up.
My life is one huge adventure. I cant keep up.
What the heck.
Im excited though. Good times. Good times.
God is amazing. Thats all I can say. <3
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
As the countdown gets closer to zero, i realize more and more that im going. More importantly i realize that they're not coming with me. So many people, so many goodbyes, so many hugs, so many tears. Why can't they come? All in my suitcase. It will be fine. I'm sure it will. Customs will not even notice. No more hugs, no more phone calls. I shouldn't be freaking out like this. I should be fine. I'm not going forever. I should get over myself. I don't know how though. How do I change from doing something every day to not doing it at all. Will I be replaced? Will i be forgotten? Will the mild impact that I have possibly made be erased and scribbled over by someone new and more wise? I'm so selfish.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
New Beginnings.
Clean House. New Music. Fresh Pajamas. Clean Sheets. New Friends. New Desires. Fresh Passion. Healed Wounds. Real Prayers. New Joy. Burning Fire. Comfortable Hoodie. New Dreams. Real Love.
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